i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
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I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
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That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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