everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
