we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
