So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
