Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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