just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
