I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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