I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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