I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
