are you still at the devil's house?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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