She's JV to your varsity
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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