i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
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I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
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So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize