Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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