I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
