Pants 0. Shit 1.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
