what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
