I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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