apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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