i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize