She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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