The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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