i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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