I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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