Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
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I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
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I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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