I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
