Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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