Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
