Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I did not marry a roomba.
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