dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
