Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
