when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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