im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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