She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
