The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
