U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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