id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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