Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
