the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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