can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
