i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
