So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We just shotgunned beers for America
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
