there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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