I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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