I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
