I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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