You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
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I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
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I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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