So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
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The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
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I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
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