I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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