i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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