Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
