I wish my penis had an off switch
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
