The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
