I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
