Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
