To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
